


postcard.

by seokga



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, am i okay, everyones sad, seonghwa misses his boyfriend, solo idol au, yeosangs tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-22 23:50:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20330554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seokga/pseuds/seokga
Summary: the pit-pat of rain on yeosangs window was the only company he had in his cold, dark hotel room somewhere in the middle of tokyo.he felt so lost, a feeling that had become increasingly familiar with every day that passed. he was completely alone in a city he didn't know, living in a head he didn't recognise.





	postcard.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by troye sivans, postcard  
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuBA7_-A4Fo)

the pit-pat of rain on yeosangs window was the only company he had in his cold, dark hotel room somewhere in the middle of tokyo.

he felt so lost, a feeling that had become increasingly familiar with every day that passed. he was completely alone in a city he didn't know, living in a head he didn't recognise.

his manager was somehwere- as were the rest of the crew- but yeosang didn't know a single one of them. they were just strangers, people paid to babysit him as he pretended to be happy singing every night for people who couldn't care less about him.

there were no missed calls on his phone, nobody asking how he was doing. nobody caring.

usually, yeosang was too busy to contemplate the extent of his loneliness but it was on nights like these where rest refused to meet him and the lights of a hundred sykscrapers lit up his room that he did.

he really _was_ lost. all he knew was that he was in tokyo. truly, that was all he knew. he didn't know the name of the hotel, the name of his manager, the name of the song he'd performed no more than a few hours ago, his favourite colour.

he'd lost himself chasing who he'd always wanted to be but there was no going back now. he was alone.

but not completely alone. there was always seonghwa.

closing his eyes and leaning heavily against the frame of the window beside him, yeosangs fingers found his phone and soon enough, he was calling his boyfriend.

as it dialled, yeosang held his breath- not entirely sure why he always felt this way when he called his lover lately.

seonghwa had always been there- before auditioning, before training, before debuting, and yeosang had never loved anyone more.

but there was no pretending that their relationship wasnt falling apart.

seonghwa had encouraged him in the beginning, more eager for yeosang to audition for an entertainment company than, perhaps, even he was.

_"you're so perfect, baby, any company would be honoured to be able to promote you"_

those were the words the older had said to him after he came out of the first audition. when seonghwa was waiting with his bleached hair slicked back and thick arms waiting to wrap around his boyfriends shoulders.

in that moment, everything was right in the world. he had seonghwa and the possibility of living the life he'd always dreamed of.

oh, how he wishes seonghwa had have been wrong. but he wasn't, of course. his boyfriend knew yeosang better than he knew himself and he got a phone call no more than two hours later telling him what time his training would start that week.

seonghwa had kissed him so hard- held him so close and yeosang was euphoric.

that could have very well been the last moment of complete carefree bliss yeosang had ever felt.

"yeosang"

his name sounded so pretty on seonghwas lips- even if it was said without a hint of meaning.

"hi" he breathed into the receiver, already starting to feel himself get high on the feeling of having _someone_ for the first time in weeks.

"it's 3am, shouldn't you be getting rested for tomorrow's interviews?" seonghwas voice was still so detached but yeosang didn't even care- didn't even register it really.

"I can't sleep" he whispers, tapping idly at the glass beside him as he breathed in the barey-there presence of his boyfriend, "not without you. not anymore"

he heard seonghwa sigh and he found himself doing the same, suddenly noticing the way tears had started rolling down his cheeks.

"yeosang, are you o-"

"_no_" it was only one word, but yeosangs voice cracked on its delivery, he'd never felt less ok, "I'm scared, hyung. everything changed, I've changed- we've changed and I fucking hate it. this was supposed to be exactly what I wanted. it's supposed to feel good- I'm supposed to feel happy _why am I not fucking happy_?"

he could really feel the tears now and he knew he was starting to get worked up- evident in the way his voice kept breaking and his completely bitten fingernails dug into his thigh.

"I miss you so fucking much" he whimpered. he sounded so small. so pathetic, "what_ happened_ to us hwa?"

he could feel the desperation in his own tone but he didn't even care, too nervous about the way seonghwa still hadn't opened his mouth.

"yeosang-" seonghwa inhaled sharply, "I've been seeing someone else"

he knew what those words meant but he couldn't handle them- he wouldn't.

"that's ok" he answered almost instantly, voice sharp but pleading.

"sang-"

"please" the younger choked, "please don't leave me. you can kiss whoever you want, I don't care, please just don't go"

his heart had never hurt this bad before and the aching in his chest soon spread to the rest of his body. every limb screamed in harmony as his throat constricted, refusing to let his voice do the same.

he could sense seonghwa was about to speak again but he couldn't let him. what if he told yeosang it was over? that he didn't want him anymore? that they were done?

"im so lonely hwa, _please_" he was stammering, struggling to pull air back into his lungs, "please, _fucking please don't leave me alone_"

he was sinking and suddenly, the lights of tokyo illuminated nothing but his own hopelessness- his own desperation.

"yeosang, I can't _do this_ anymore"

seonghwas voice was straining- the way it always did when he was about to start crying. yeosang always hated seeing his boyfriend cry. he looked so pretty, always so pretty, but pretty boys don't deserve to be sad.

"I can't keep thinking about you. I can't keep worrying about you. I can't keep waiting for your calls. I can't keep questioning everything I feel" he was crying now and yeosang could feel his lover's tears on his own cheeks, "_I can't fucking do this. You were my everything sang. everything. I loved you more than my own family, you were all that mattered._"

he breathed deeply before continuing, unknowingly mocking the way yeosang couldn't do the same

"but now you're gone and that's all there is to it" he said, "you're gone and it's over"

and there they were. the words yeosang knew were coming- the words he knew had been coming for the past four months.

"let me fix this" he whispered, one last attempt. it was all he had left. "please hwa, remember the way we used to be, please" he forced himself to steady his breathing again, "we can make it through this"

"no we can't yeosang" seonghwas voice was firm. he'd stopped crying, "I need to go, try to get some sleep"

it was so formal, so official and yeosang was drowning.

"hwa-" he breathed but the line had already cut out.

if he was lonely before, he really was alone now.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry yeosang :(((


End file.
